Most people experience a traumatic event at least once in their lives. Trauma is a normal bodily response to experiencing or witnessing a life-threatening or distressing event, or series of events which result in physical, psychological, and emotional overwhelm. Symptoms range from mild to severe and can impact your ability to cope with stressors and function normally. Common trauma responses include high states of anxiety, difficulty sleeping, feeling withdrawn, easily startled, thinking about the event repeatedly, palpitations, sweating, flashbacks.

Most people only stay in this state for a short period of time before returning to a normal balance. Therefore, their symptoms disappear within a few weeks. However, for others they get ‘stuck’ in this trauma response and are unable to process their emotions. This is when a typical trauma response develops into post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

TYPES OF TRAUMA

Shock Trauma (PTSD) - results from feeling overwhelmed usually just by one event. The event is often sudden and unexpected with a distinct beginning and end and is over relatively quickly. Examples: falls, assault, accident, near drowning, natural disasters.

Developmental Trauma (complex PTSD) – early childhood trauma and loss that is so overwhelming to the child’s nervous system that they cannot develop in an age-appropriate manner. This can create physical and behavioural delays and impacts the child’s ability to think, manage their emotions, and develop healthy relationships. Examples: physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, neglect, loss of a significant person, prenatal trauma.

Intergenerational Trauma – trauma that is passed on through generations either psychologically or biologically. When parents have experienced trauma, its symptoms and behaviours can ripple through to the next generation. Psychologically, this occurs because trauma impacts how parents communicate, connect and parent their children. Therefore, trauma transference happens through their behaviours, attitudes, and stories. Biologically speaking, research has shown that trauma can alter an individual's DNA and how it functions (or is expressed), and therefore can be passed down through genetics to the person's children.

PTSD – also known as ‘shock trauma’, is usually the result of a single disturbing and overwhelming event. PTSD occurs when a person’s response to a traumatic event continues long after the trauma has passed, and whereby the individual has become ‘stuck’ in their trauma response.

A person with PTSD will typically experience:

〜 a reliving of the trauma through intense and disturbing flashbacks or nightmares

〜 avoidance of anything or anyone that reminds them of the trauma

〜 increased physical and emotional arousal such as panic, outbursts of anger, difficulty concentrating, being startled easily, difficulty sleeping, muscle tension

〜 negative thoughts and mood – depression, rumination, memory loss, suicidal thoughts

Consequently, a person may try to soothe their symptoms with substance use and/or isolation. Risky behaviours such as self-harm, risky sexual behaviours and reckless driving are also common amongst those with PTSD

C-PTSD shares many of the symptoms of PTSD, but also includes a cluster of additional symptoms. This is because it relates to traumatic experiences that have continued for months or even years and where the person had little control and was unable to escape. It’s typically associated with early childhood trauma (developmental trauma). Examples include experiencing physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, neglect, racism, and oppression.

Symptoms go beyond the standard PTSD symptoms to include:

〜 difficulty in forming relationships and trusting others – you may also find that you continuously end up in abusive relationships

〜 difficulty in experiencing and controlling your emotions

〜 negative self-view - shame, low self-esteem, feeling completely different to others

〜 detachment from the trauma – you may feel disconnected from yourself, your body, and the world around you. You might find that you ‘space out’ a lot and struggle to be present in the moment

〜 changes in beliefs and worldview – ongoing early trauma completely shapes the way you see the world, and the meaning you apply to your experiences. The world is seen and experienced through a trauma lens and it’s common to feel unsafe and hold negative views about the world and relationships.

People use substances (alcohol, nicotine, prescriptive and illicit drugs) for a variety of reasons – most commonly for experimentation, to relax and have fun, ease social situations and to cope with physical and emotional stressors. At times, and often because of other issues we have going on in life, our substance use can get out of control, and the pattern of use can be difficult to break. This is when it harms your mental and physical health, and negatively impacts your daily functioning and relationships. Secrecy and shame begin to breed, and it’s likely that you have found yourself hiding and lying to others about your substance use.

Before seeking support, a person has usually tried multiple times to cut back or stop with little success and are now at the point where they feel a sense of powerlessness and frustration. Understanding the drives behind your use, healing unresolved wounds, and finding better ways to cope is the key to moving forward and regaining control of your life.

We work with you and your goals for your substance use. That may be to simply reduce to a more controlled pattern of use, or it may be to abstain from substances altogether. Whatever it is, we support you in that.

If you are requiring more intensive support in addition to counselling, such as detox or residential rehab, we can provide you with information.

Addictions are usually assumed to be substance related. However, people can get addicted to everyday normal behaviours. This type of addiction occurs when a person repetitively engages in a behaviour despite its negative consequences on their mental and physical health, daily functioning, and relationships. Like substance use addictions, behavioural addictions share similarities, such as constantly thinking about, or engaging in the behaviour, experiencing withdrawals (such as irritability, mood swings or depression) when unable to engage in the activity, neglect of daily activities, and an inability to reduce engagement in the behaviour even though you may want to stop.

Some examples of behavioural addictions include porn, sex, gambling, shopping, food, and gaming addiction.

Attachment refers to the deep emotional bonds created between two people. Attachment issues are where an individual has challenges forming a secure and healthy bond within adult intimate relationships. These issues are typically formed in childhood as a result of the baby’s needs not being appropriately and sensitively responded to by their primary caregiver (a strong emotional and physical attachment to at least one caregiver is essential to the child’s development).

In a healthy bond where the caregiver is attentive and the child’s needs are met, the child learns to trust and feel safe within the relationship, and therefore develops a secure attachment. The relationship becomes a safe base from where one can explore the world, and to which the child can return to for comfort and security when distressed.

However, if the baby’s needs are not met, and there are negative and unpredictable responses from the caregivers such as in the cases of abuse or neglect, the baby learns that relationships are not safe and dependable and believe that they themselves must not be worthy of love. This develops an insecure (anxious, avoidant, or disorganised) attachment which leads to difficulties in expressing emotions, developing trust and security, and forming close and meaningful relationships as an adult. Intimate relationships become a source of anxiety and chaos instead of fulfilment and joy.

There are four main attachment styles and understanding yours can really help deepen your awareness of your relational anxieties, communicate your needs and boundaries better, attract and choose better partners, and create deeper joy and intimacy within your relationships.

Having low self-esteem means not thinking of yourself very highly, and not believing in your abilities and worth as a person. This expresses itself in every aspect of your life from the way you treat yourself, to the choices you make and how you connect with and relate to others. Those with self-esteem issues tend to see both themselves and the world more critically and are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and addictions. At the root of low self-esteem are negative beliefs which have developed from your experiences. There are many causes of poor self-esteem, such as early childhood trauma, unsupportive or emotionally distant caregivers, bullying, and stressful life events such as relationship breakdowns and job losses.

Self-esteem exists on a spectrum. Some feel low in self-esteem a lot of the time whilst for others, they may only feel this in certain situations.

A few signs of underdeveloped self-esteem:

〜 anxious or shy in relationships – struggles to healthily assert oneself

〜 social withdrawal or isolation

〜 entering or staying in unhappy or abusive intimate relationships

〜 strong internal critical

〜 avoidance of trying new things

〜 problematic substance use

〜 highly sensitive to criticism

〜 excessive self-doubt

〜 people pleasing

Shame is a gut wrenching feeling of humiliation, exposure, and unworthiness. It arises when we believe we have done something wrong or have violated a social norm. We see ourselves negatively through the eyes of others (either real or imagined), which triggers that intense foggy, red-faced feeling where we want to hide or disappear. When feeling ashamed we attack our own character rather than our behaviour, believing ‘I am bad’ rather than ‘I did something bad’ (the difference between shame and guilt). This can be paralysing and is a threat to our sense of self and our sense of belonging.

A small amount of shame is healthy as it serves a social purpose. Shame keeps our behaviours in check as it causes us to reflect on our behaviours, adhere to social norms and respect the boundaries of others.

However, shame becomes harmful when it is long lasting. Chronic shame eats away your mental well-being and impacts their functioning. It is strongly connected with low-self-esteem, and if it is not dealt with it can show up as rage, isolation, perfectionism, an inability to give and receive, depression, anxiety, and addiction.

Situations likely to trigger shame:

〜 trauma

〜 unrequited love (often stemming from early childhood with primary caregiver)

〜 addictions and other compulsive behaviours

〜 unwanted exposure

〜 sexual behaviours

〜 exclusion – being rejected or left out by others

〜 not living up to expectations - believing we have failed or have fallen short

Loss occurs in many forms and is an inescapable part of life. It is the real or perceived deprivation of something meaningful to us, and grief is our response to the losses we experience. There are multiple types of losses, such as the loss of a relationship, job, home, pet, health, parts of ourselves (emotional and psychological), the death of a loved one and more. Dealing with a loss can be one of the most difficult and sometimes traumatising times in our life. It can put us in a state of fear and shock and move the earth beneath our feet, making us feel like we have lost solid ground. It can change the way we see and relate to the world and others and make us question our beliefs, including any spiritual or religious beliefs we may have.

Everyone has their own unique way of grieving, and there isn’t a ‘right’ way or length of time to grieve. However, cultural influences can impact how you understand and approach grief.

Grief can express itself on every level of our being. A few common reactions include:

〜 sadness, depression

〜 feeling numb or empty or seeking out numbness through substance or behaviours

〜 feeling like you are ‘going crazy’

〜 difficulty concentrating and carrying out tasks, or the opposite – intensely focusing on tasks

〜 uncontrollable outbursts of tears

〜 anger (at others, oneself, or a higher power)

〜 feeling like you want to escape

〜 anxiety, nervousness, restlessness

〜 exhaustion, lack of energy

〜 social isolation

〜 feeling dazed and confused

〜 difficulty sleeping and eating

〜 physical pain

〜 denial

Depression is characterized by persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a loss of interest or pleasure in activities that one used to enjoy. It is much more than just feeling sad or down for a short period; instead, it's a pervasive and debilitating condition that can affect all aspects of a person's life, including their emotions, thoughts, behaviors, and physical health.

Symptoms can include (but is not limited to):

〜 Persistent feelings of sadness, emptiness, or hopelessness

〜 Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed

〜 Significant changes in appetite or weight (either weight loss or weight gain)

〜 Sleep disturbances, such as insomnia or excessive sleeping

〜 Fatigue or loss of energy, even with adequate rest

〜 Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt

〜 Difficulty concentrating, making decisions, or remembering things

〜 Restlessness, irritability, or agitation

〜 Slowed movements, speech, or cognitive processing

〜 Physical symptoms such as headaches, digestive issues, or chronic pain without a clear medical cause

〜 Persistent thoughts of death or suicide, suicide attempts, or self-harming behaviors

〜 Social withdrawal or isolation from friends, family, or activities

It is important to note that not everyone with depression will experience all of these symptoms, and the severity of symptoms can vary from person to person.